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NEWS HEADLINES:



TODAY'S FEATURED ARTIST:

OK, well, so what did you EXPECT?



TODAY'S WEATHER

Cloudy and cold with scattered hales of brimstone in the morning followed by plagues of locusts in the afternoon. Temperatures should reach a high of 480 degrees kelvin by mid-day, then gradually taper off to the approximate boiling point of mercury. Mass death is expected.

Tomorrow; sunny and pleasant.




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